The Apostle Paul told us, Owe no one anything, except to love one another – for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
This is a beautiful exhortation – however, what happens when the love is not there, or no longer there?
What happens when our neighbour hurts us instead of loves us? What happens when a brother or sister in the Lord sins against us? What happens when your best friend hurt you badly instead of loving you?
What then should we do? What then do we owe?
Think of the worst thing that someone has ever done to you…
It could have been a promotion that should have gone to you, but went instead to someone else due to their deceit; or maybe it was the way that you got cheated on a business deal, or received less than you thought you were entitled to just because someone else interfered or in other words, cheated on you. Maybe the hurt was due to the way that someone lied, or stole or hurt you in some way that was and still is deeply painful.
Remember?
I have no doubt that you do remember, for it is very difficult to forget such injustices done to us.
Now, I like you to ask yourself – what should I do about such injustices?
In this morning’s Gospel reading, Jesus sets out a set of guidelines for us, reading by which we can rely on to deal with these kinds of situations.
The guidelines are meant for those within the church, for those brothers and sisters who assemble together in this name, yet – for one reason or another, end up being offended or hurt against by one of their fellow believers.
THE VERY FIRST PRINCIPLE IS THIS – the person who is offended against is called upon to take the initiative in seeking reconciliation, in seeking to make things right once again.
If you are hurt by someone – and if you think that it is serious – at least serious enough, in other words, for you to brood over and not able to let go, serious enough that you are facing the temptation of gossiping about the person who ahs sinned against you in some way or other, then you are called to take action, and to try and heal the breach that has opened up between you and your neighbour.
There are not many people in this world who love confrontation. Many people are fond of letting them go – and brooding about them at the same time, that is the normal preferred course of action for most people.
There are many different reasons offered as to why people will not confront those who have hurt them or sinned against them.
Some of us have the idea that Christians are not supposed to get angry at all, let alone confront other people with their anger. So they will do all that they could to avoid the person who has offended them; they will do their best to turn away from dealing with the person who has sinned against them.
There are some who hold the belief that the person who has offended should be the one to reach out and seek to repair the rift in the relationship, and while this would be very nice indeed, it is however, hopelessly idealistic.
First of all, the person who has offended may not even realize that he or she has done so, so why should he or she apologize?
Secondly, even when the person do realizes that they have offended, they simply may not care, or they many not realize as to what is at stake and hold the hope that time will bring about a healing without any action ever being necessary. It is, after all, very difficult for people to confess.
What is really at stake is that when sin is not dealt with, what get affected is our peace – and the peace without our own community, as well as the salvation of the person who has sinned against us.
William Blake, in his poem “A Poison Tree” wrote the following words:
I was angry with my friend,
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe,
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
If we are concerned about an offense that has been committed against us – we are called by God to take action to resolve the situation, we are called to speak of our wrath, and as a result, hopefully can put it to an end.
THE SECOND GUIDELINE that Jesus gives to us for dealing with those who have sinned against us in today’ Gospel reading is this – make every effort to set the matter straight in a private manner.
As a person who occasionally, but without malice or forethought – offends others, I can tell you that nothing will hurt me more than to discover, maybe months later from someone else that I have hurt a friend of theirs and of mine.
Recently someone had some problems with me, and I did not find out about it, nor did I have the opportunity to deal with the concerned party until after a couple of people talked to me about the situation.
My embarrassment and my shame could only be matched by the anger that I felt towards the person whom I by accident offended. Why I wondered, did that person not come to me immediately with his concern instead of broadcasting it to his friends? Why could he not confront me and tell me that I had somehow offended him?
The situation was eventually worked out, but the entire affair got more complicated then it needed to be in the first place, and the emotional costs were much higher than they should have been. This is all because no effort was made by the offended person to resolve the situation personally.
In the unfortunate event should any member of the church sins against you, go to that member and point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the member listens to you, you have regained that one. But what will happen if the person who has sinned against us refuses to listen to us? What happens if they refuse to understand where we are coming from? What if they remain adamant that they were in the right and that your opinion does not matter to them? What if they are unrepentant?
JESUS OFFERS TO US A THIRD PRINCIPLE or guideline to cover such cases – he suggests as a next step that, “if you are not listened to, take one or two others along with you, so that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or three witnesses.”
And again he says, “If the member refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church, here he means a group of caring and discerning fellow believers, and if the offender refuse to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
That just about covers Jesus’ instructions about how to deal with those who offend against us. If your brother or sister sins against you – tell them about it in private. If that does not work, take them before someone else and allow the wisdom of the group to deal with it, and if that still does not work, take them right before the entire church, that is, the Assembly of God’s people, and that still fails – treat the offender like a Gentile and a tax collector.
Jesus’ instructions are really quite simple, and even if the first step, which is the taking of the initiative, and the second step, confronting the offender privately goes against our natural inclinations, the entire process works…
It is either you win back your brother or sister, and they repented, and therefore harmony is restored between you – or the offender, by his or her own choice, is disposed, and this with the full support and approval of the entire community, that is, of the church.
That would seem to be the end of the matter – we are either able to mend our fences by following the instructions of Jesus, or we are not able to mend any fences, and no blame will be attached to us in the process, that is because we have done all that we should and could do.
However, that is the end of the matter, it is not the end of the matter, as we are not being asked to take the initiative and deal with those who sinned against us so that we might be found blameless, nor are we called to take the initiative and deal with them so that we might have our revenge. We are called to deal with them, and this is just as important, in order to deal with our own pain and hurt so that there might be peace and joy and justice in the body of Christ. We are called to take the initiative so that sinners might have the chance to repent and know the blessings of harmony and peace amongst the people of God, and so that we might know the joy of being in a good relationship with all, and that we might know the peace that comes when we do not have a burning anger in our hearts.
Resolving differences – confronting sin and calling on others to repent, is a process that is of great benefit to everyone, not just to those who are sinners. It is a matter of salvation, not just for the sinner, but also for those who are sinned against.
It is in that spirit that we must understand Jesus’ words about those who do not repent when confronted by the whole church, the words that say, and I will read them again, “And if that fails, if they do not repent, treat them like a Gentile and a tax collector.”
Let us recall that the one who speaks these words is the one of whom it was said, “Now the tax collectors and sinners were drawing near to him>” And the people murmured against Jesus, saying, “This man receives sinners and eats with them.”
Let us also recall to mind that Jesus said to those who criticized the company he was keeping, “Who need a doctor, the sick or the healthy? I have come to seek and to save the lost.”
Let us also recall that, as Matthew records, at his birth the first to show up at Bethlehem to see where the magi – Gentiles from the East… And of the first healings, recorded in the Gospel of Matthew, was the healing of a servant of a Gentile army officer…
Let us also recall that one day, Jesus called a man named Matthew to be his disciple, and can you recollect what Matthew for a living, when Jesus called him? He was not a Gentile, but he was a tax collector.
Got the idea? Got the message?
Jesus, concludes his conversation about how to deal with those who have offended us by saying, “Where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”
If we are going to be with Jesus – then we must be among the people he chose to be with – the sinners, the Gentiles, and the tax collectors.
We are not called to be among them as unrepentant sinners – nor are we called to be among the people he has called as judges. We are called to be among them as ones who own nothing to anyone, except for love.
We cannot always mend the fences; we cannot always make peace with those who sin against us. But we can certainly try, and when we fail, we can still love them as we love ourselves.
God, speaking through the prophet Ezekiel, says, “I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live.
We will go a long way towards the mending of our fences, a long way towards healing our broken relationships when we remember his words, and take the initiative in dealing with those who sin against us in private, and when necessary with witnesses.
If our efforts, and the efforts of the church fail to bring about changes, then we will do God’s will and help to bring in healing if we remember what God has pleasure in – and treat those who have offended against us as we ourselves have been treated by God – with mercy and compassion.
The rest is between God and them. Amen.
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